FAP
Strong Right Hand
The #1 Training Program for Your Dominant Appendage
*results may vary, consult your doctor if lasting more than 4 hours
BURNS
CALORIES!*
GREAT FOR
CARDIO!
PERFECT
BEDTIME ROUTINE!
BUILDS
GRIP STRENGTH!
QUICK
SESSIONS!
INSTANT
STRESS RELIEF!
MEET YOUR TRAINER
He's been practicing since he was 12. Now he wants to share his secrets with you.
Step 1: Find Privacy
Lock your door. Close the blinds. Tell your roommate you're "meditating." Put on some ambient music if you're fancy. This is YOUR time.
FUN FACTS
(to share at parties if you want everyone to leave)
No equipment needed. You were born with everything you need. Nature's perfect design.
Average session time: 3-7 minutes. But we believe in you. You can do better.
Over 4 billion practitioners worldwide. You're never alone. Well, actually you are. That's the point.
Works completely offline. No WiFi? No problem. This is the original offline entertainment.
Scientifically proven to improve mood, sleep, and your relationship with yourself.
MY EXPERIENCE
A True Story by Chad Gripsworth III
It all started when I was 14. My parents got me my first computer, and I discovered something that would change my life forever: the internet.
Every night, while my parents thought I was doing homework, I was actually... researching. Hours upon hours of vigorous... clicking. My mouse hand grew stronger by the day.
By college, I could open any jar. ANY jar. Pickles? Child play. Industrial-strength peanut butter? Demolished. My roommate once bet me $50 I couldn't crush a full soda can with one hand.
I owe him $50 because I crushed it so hard it exploded all over his laptop.
Now I arm wrestle professionally. Nobody knows my secret training regimen. Well, now you do. You're welcome.
- Chad Gripsworth III
Professional Arm Wrestler, Jar Opener, Internet Researcher
CRUSHED IT
* This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual late-night activities is purely coincidental. Please hydrate responsibly.